To say that 2020 has been a year of what in the world! Is clearly putting it lightly t say the least. I know you all can relate. With all the bumps has come much triumph and victory as well. I call it abounding grace, truly God has taken me from grace to grace. Add in a whole heap of mercy and my friends you have what I call life! I’m tankful for life.
To give a bit of history last June I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called antisynthetase. Yeah, I know what is that?? How did you get it? Is there a cure? That was all the questions I asked when this rare oddity decided to wreak havoc on my body and life. There is no cure, there’s no way of telling how I developed it. It’s a disease that attacks the joints, muscles, and lungs. Well, My God! Why has thou forsaken me!? Gods answer, why not you? Um, Okay, ouch! Not the answer I was looking for, but I had to ask myself too why not you Chudney?
My Body! My Face!
Okay, so I must embrace the fact that my body is attacking itself, cool not cool. And I also must now embrace my new chubby chipmunk face laced with teenage puberty break outs! Help me Lord! I learned quickly that beauty is vain. True beauty lies within after all and everyday I’m working on accepting my now beauty.
So, for the months after my diagnosis I fell into a deep, pitiful, woe is me funk. I hung up my apron, pushed my baking pans aside. Tossed my note pad of created recipes in the closet, I gave up on life and what I had hoped for it to be. I gave up. The pain of the disease gave me no hope for my future, so I just chucked it all as a lost. I was angry at God, how could you bless me with such a gift to cook and create and yet plague me with this awful, crippling disease? Why God? Why?
Where Is The “Good” In This?
His answer yet and still the same, why not you? UUGHH!! I just couldn’t see the light at the end of that question! The answer I was looking for God just didn’t give it to me. At least not the way I wanted to hear it. I had to go directly to His word for the answer something I avoided doing for some time. Of course God lead me to the book of Job (face palm).
Not the book of Job we all know how that story goes. But did I consider Jobs latter life? It was far greater than his former, so even though Job was stripped of everything God was still merciful and kind. And my situation pales in comparison to Jobs experience, but no matter how hard the situation(s) may be God makes a way!
Fast forward to now, here we are its 2020 we have a pandemic, a never-ending war on racism, riots, marches, protest. You name it! And here I am body giving away can’t move not one muscle in my body, can’t comb my hair, can’t take a shower without help. Kids remote learning, zooming from sun up to sun down, can’t move not one muscle. God, this must be the end my time here has expired now. The thoughts of my own funeral were playing in my head, the thought of my husband and kids without me playing over and over in my head.
A Changed Mindset
Then I decided one day after a five day stay at Mount Sinai hospital that I was not done yet! God did not say I was going to die! That was that lie I was telling my own self. My entire mindset had to change about the disease, and once I changed my mind, my healing became real! I watched God move on my behalf all because I chose to trust Him! I look at my affliction so differently now. Do I hurt, yes I do sometimes, but I’m alive! My mindset is brand new no more woe is me. It’s more like I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength.
Since that mind change I have walked back into what God already set out before me to do. I’m creating, cooking again, I’ve launched my gourmet kitchen line of food. Learning all about this thing called entrepreneurship and most importantly, I value the life God has given me.
I’ve vowed to never let go of this second wind and I encourage you not to let go either. As long as there is breath in your lungs you are blessed, you have life! Now take your life and live it all for the glory of the One who made you.
Do not give up.